This is the death match arena, Rengokukan.
We rampaged through it and broke everything.
But it belonged to the behind-the-scenes Tendo sect, who also controls the Bakufu government.
Will we be all right?
[Matsudaira and Kondo were summoned by the "Tendo Sect," a group who controls the Bakufu behind closed doors.]
[Will they be able to get pass all those assassins and reach the castle?]
Here's the weather for today in Edo. We'll see a clear autumn sky all day.
Since Autumn weather changes like a woman's heart, please don't blame me if it rains.
Now it's time for Dark Astrology with Ketsuno.
[Ketsuno Announcer]
[DARK ASTROLOGY]
Today's worst misfortune is reserved for...
Virgos. Everything will go wrong today.
Gee, what a downer to start the day.
Especially the ones with goatees who are brushing their teeth right now...
They will die today.
What?!
The lucky color that will bring you fortune is red.
Plus the red will make the blood less obvious.
What kind of luck is that? There's nothing lucky about that!
Have a wonderful day!
There's no way I will!
That damn show! It's so stupid.
There's no way that could be true.
If all the Virgos disappeared, we'd be left with a savage society run by old men. Right, Sogo?
Here take this. I used this red loincloth as a kid. Don't worry, I washed it.
What do you mean, "don't worry"? Why would I worry?
Can you believe this guy, Toshi?
Take this. I used this red scarf a long time ago.
Hey, stop it. What...? What happened? Or rather, what will happen?
You effing Gorilla!!
Ma-Matsudaira!
Get up, you Gorilla dumbass! If you don't stand up in three seconds, I'll blow your brains out!
Say...
One...
What happened to two and three?!
I don't need those numbers. Number "one" is all a man needs to live.
But you just said you'd give me three seconds!
What was that?! Even if you're the chief of police, you can't just do anything you want!
What are you talking about? Because of you, this old man's...this old man's head will roll.
Huh?! What are you talking about?
When I picked you guys up off the street...how many years ago was that anyway?
Perhaps it was a mistake to force you to work under me.
I wish I could start over again. I wish I could start from scratch.
If it's possible, I'd like to start again, back when you were in your old man's jewels.
What do you mean?
I told you not to cause trouble.
I already knew you guys were morons,
but I never thought you'd get involved in the Rengokukan.
The ring of what? Look, I don't even wear rings!
Neither do I, moron! And I'm not talking about rings.
My goodness! I still have a mortgage to pay!
There'll be no money left, not with my daughter's overseas education or my wife's spa treatments!
What are you gonna to do about that?!
["Good Things Never Come in Twos (but Bad Things Do)"]
What! The Tendo sect?!
I heard a rumor that the Tendo sect controls the Shogun and is the real power behind the Bakufu!
Don't talk so damn loud! And yeah, that's right!
They control the Shogun and are the real power behind the Bakufu!
You're the one who's loud! And you're making an assertion about the Tendo sect.
I'm saying that you were meddling in their territory!
What?! You say we mixed up with Tendo business?!
Hey, hey, you're so transparent.
I know you're pretending you don't know. How 'bout I shoot you, huh? Should I?
Th-They did this... While I was gone...
So, we were called in...to be punished?
I bet we're an eyesore for them, but I don't think it will come to that.
Doing anything to us publicly will be the same as admitting
they were involved with the Rengokukan.
What I would rather concern myself with is that
they called us over to the castle on a pretext, perhaps so they could
get the two of us together and then - Bam!
Shoot us from a hiding place.
Virgos...
are going to die today.
And, they'll say some Anti-Foreigner Faction did it.
I'm going home!
What are you doing?!
No! I don't want to die with an ugly old coot like you!
I want to die with my head on Otae-san's lap!
Idiot! Dying is part of the Bushido code!
No way! I prefer more publicity than the Bushido code! I mean, I love it!
Listen! If we work together, we could reach the castle without dying.
If we can do that, we'll win! It's not like they'll call us in and kill us. We'll survive!
We'll survive?
Maybe...
Let me go home!
Calm down! Everyone dies, anyway.
The important thing is how you live your life!
No! I want to have my life full of joy and girls!
It all depends on your fortune. Believe in your fortune.
Fortune.
Hey old man... What's your sign?
Huh? Virgo.
What a disaster!
It's 100 percent certain that we're going to die! It's a death drive! It's hopeless!
Calm down! If you don't, I'll snag a booger from your big nose and shove it back up!
I wanna go home! No!
Shut up! I can't believe you're a Virgo!
You don't act like one at all!
You must've been born under the sign of the Yakuza!!
I don't want to hear that from you!
Why don't I shoot you into space right now?! You could be a new sign!! Gorilla Major!
Y-You two, please calm down...!
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Look where you're going while you're driving!
Give me a break!
You're an assassin, aren't you?!
What?!
You're an assassin, right? Say it! I bet you're an assassin.
W-W-What are you talking about?! I'm...
Hey, you!
What are you thinking?!
Hey, let me drive now. From here on it's a war zone. You go home.
All...right...
Boss, what are you doing?! He looked like a normal man!
Idiot! He wore sunglasses. So he was an assassin.
Eh?!
Anyone who wears sunglasses is an assassin, nine times out of ten.
You're wearing them, too!
This is just between you and me...
You know Tama-san from "Go on, Sing," right?
He's also an assassin.
So is the world-famous Kurosawa, Madam Junko and Hama-Sho, detective of the shotgun.
Don't tell anyone this.
There's no way I could tell anyone that! It's just an old man's stupid imagination!
He's still alive!
Um... Excuse me.
I'm late because I dropped my glasses back there.
Who the heck are you?!
I don't know. If my glasses break, I won't be able to see anything, I can't even see what I mean.
Hey...you need to figure it out...
Oh! Are you the driver's pet? Like a gorilla or something? What kind?
Like that car, Gorilla Mark II?
Oh, good boy.
I'm a human.
Don't worry, she's on our side. Here, Sachan, you get one of these too.
She's my old friend.
She's a freelance killer, but she used to be an elite Oniwabanshu.
To kill an assassin...use an assassin!
Matsudaira-sama,
what's this? I can't see clearly.
Hey, watch out!
Oh? Is this a Jintan dispenser?
They're great for reducing sleepiness and preventing bad breath.
No, no! In fact, it stops your breath!
It's a weird shape. If I press here, will a Jintan come out?
Stop! I'll give you something better than a Jintan.
Stop! Don't touch me! I've already given my heart to another!
Geez! Why did this ditz have to come with us?
Shut up! You're ruining my concentration.
W-Watch out!
H-Hey! Did we hit something? Boss! You just hit something!! It went flying!!
Yeah, that was an assassin too.
You liar! You just made that up!
Anyone who makes a living from the misery of others is an assassin.
You, shut up!
...Who's this guy? Why is he ordering me around?
There's only one person in the world who can order me around or tie me up.
But how strange... I find I love to hear harsh words.
Just shut up! Please!
Now what? Now you are begging? You shifted your gear to reverse?
I can't keep up with you.
But I see you're trying.
I'm not trying. You've got the wrong idea.
Like a girl who learns how to be stylish when she hits puberty!
You hurt Elizabeth! I won't forgive you.
Just as I thought...you've come for me, assassin!
We're scraping the wall! Sparks! On both sides of the car!
Do you see my driving technique?
That's no technique! I felt like we were at a private death picnic!
Come on, shut up.
Hey! Watch out ahead!
Don't worry, I can drive like Schumacher!
That was close. Just as I expect from an assassin.
What? Where's the assassin?! That was clearly a one-car accident.
The kinder he is, the more he blames himself and the more he hurts himself.
What are you going to do now? We don't have any transportation.
That's...
It's an emergency. We should requisition that bicycle.
Wait! I have a bad feeling about that bicycle.
Punishment, right? I want to be punished.
Punishment!!
Cut it out, already!
What a mess!
Now we just have to reach the castle safely for the sake of the owners of this bicycle.
Why?
All of a sudden, I see nothing but darkness ahead.
Is this a reflection of my soul? Or a picture of my mind?
No! Sachan, don't melt into the darkness. Open up! I have to do it by myself.
There!
Right there!
It disappeared! My darkness disappeared!
I can't stand it. I should've gone home.
What the heck is that?
It's like a washed-up celebrity who thinks she's in Karuizawa.
A washed-up celebrity would be better.
I don't know what I should do about these downtrodden people who live above my bar.
They came up with so many excuses again today.
But now, I've reached the end of my patience.
That's not something for you to say.
Hey, Kondo.
Yes.
Can't you see? They're assassins.
What? No way!
You didn't know that? Look at their fearful aura. There's no doubt.
I can see it, too.
What?!
Those movements...
Only people who carry the weight of sadness on their shoulders do that.
It's the ultimate esoteric technique.
I can't see it! I don't know! What do you see, guys?!
Let's kill them before they kill us!
Bicycles belong on the road!
All right.
Things like this just happen.
No way!
It's because I was really scared. I'm an old man who thought he would wet his pants.
Well, your eyes are all teary.
There, there.
How many would you like, Amanto-san?
Jii, all of them. I'll buy everything.
You are a NEET, a loser and a parasite. You're awesome.
All right. All right.
I finally found you, assassin.
That's enough... I won't say anything else.
W-What are you doing?! I'm Prince Hata!
Huh? Baka?
Not baka, Hata! Ha-ta. Jii, do something!
Yes, sir.
Umm...
I'm sorry! Please just save me!
All right. But in exchange, can I take your car?
If you save me!
We don't have time. Hurry.
All right!
Why did you let those two go?
Because they were just small fries.
Hi, you're shopping here, too?
What a surprise to see you in this kind of place.
As I thought, you and I are destined to be together, Otae-san.
Oh, no. A gorilla escaped from the zoo.
I should call the National Hunting Association and have him shot.
Let's see...The number is..."animal smile extermination."
O-Otae-san! Are you kidding me? It's me, Isao! Your Isao!
Such a bad gorilla! He's threatening me! Stop acting so sassy toward humans!
I'll show you!
Today's worst misfortune is reserved for Virgos. You'll die today.
...will die today...
Sister! He's not a gorilla! He's Kondo-san! Not a gorilla!
Oh my, if it isn't Kondo-san.
It was always him, Sis.
I'll shoot you if you don't start driving by the time I count to ten.
Ten.
You even didn't count! I'm sure you didn't!
Almost.
Otae-san, what did you just say? How can you say something that bad so easily?
I know! This chuka-don is from Horaiken.
This Neapolitan sauce is from Kitchen Bambi.
And this miso soup is from Matoi Suchi. I noticed they've changed the broth.
You're amazing, Kagura-chan!
Call me "Ultimate Tongue."
Running out of gas?! I bet you're an assassin!
Yeah. He turned into a gorilla before we knew it.
B-Boss! Please calm down. It's my life's wish!
How many "life's wishes" do you have?!
It's my first! My first!
There!
That's it!
Whoa!
Roar!! Amazing gorilla power!!
Oh, no. He admitted he was a gorilla.
Well, it's better for him to realize who he is than never know at all.
By the way, how can you just relax?
You can't escape from me. Divine retribution!
Oh, my! What a giant jintan!
If it's big like this, it'll save the whole city from bad breath.
Whoa! A bomb!
Run! Hurry!
By the way, where're my glasses? My glasses...
Just throw it!
Here we go! Get down everyone!
Huh? Oh? You...
...Eh? What? My booger? Did my booger do that?!
It's time.
Chief of National Police, Katakuriko Matsudaira.
And Shinsengumi chief, Isao Kondo.
You summoned us?
Yes. Good.
Today, I've called you here because of the incident that occurred the other day.
I'd like to discuss the illegal fight arena, Rengokokan.
What happened to you?
Nothing. Just some trouble making doughnuts.
Got into another fight, again?
Samurai are simply irrepressible.
I've heard only thirty of your men crushed Rengokukan.
There're so many cowardly samurai these days, but you did an awesome job.
Yes...you were quite impressive.
It's thanks to you we have such a serene balance between Amanto and Earthlings.
Thank you...
But you'd better not get ahead of yourselves and be too eager for success.
I understand your sense of justice, but if you bite just anyone,
you might be biting the tail of a wolf instead of a dog.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Piss off the big guys and they'll wipe you out.
If you want to have a long life, you'd better learn how to live smart.
We barely survived...
Hey, I wonder if we misunderstood their intentions from the beginning...
That was a really fierce fight. One of the top 5 death matches of my life.
Hey...I think if you hadn't been with me, I would've easily reached the castle.
Please make this the last time. I have a family.
My daughter has a new boyfriend, who is a girly-boy.
This will be the last chance for you.
If something like this happens again, you're...
Yeah...I understand.
I'm sorry I caused you so much trouble, Boss.
We'll be more careful next time.
As long as you understand.
Oh, yeah. The horoscope...
Just as I thought, that was a fake horoscope.
"Virgos will die", as if!
That pony is...!
Kagura-chan...
Otae-san! What a coincidence to see you again!
Oh, yeah! What a surprise!
[Preview]
Whoa! Health, health me!
What's the matter, Kagura?
Something black and shiny is in my room!
Hey, how can you be the strongest girl in space and be scared by something like that?
The next episode: "I Told You to Pay Attention to the News!"
[And a second episode: "Don't Panic - There's a Return Policy!"]
[The enchanted sword known as the "Star Destroyer"! Will the secret of the wooden sword be revealed?!]
Hey, Shimura. Behind you.
Huh? Oh...
[Actual episode is uncensored.]